Endless Glory

Because I miss them so much suddenly... Here's to make things worse. 

I miss them so much!!!!!!!!!!! So, here it is. On Wednesday, any normal Cedarian would be having the time of their lives. National Day has always been one of the most hyped up event ever in Cedar. On that day, I have Chemistry SPA trial. Kill me.

Okay, a little bit more pictures. They are old pictures but the memories they hold are endless!!!!!

Oh god, I miss Cedar so much it's killing me sometimes.

Everyday's just getting worse

I don't know why but everything is just pissing me off today. Oh well.

Always Gold

But everything goes awayYeah everything goes awayBut I'm going to be here until I'm nothingBut bones in the ground

So, I guess I have a secret crush on this soccer player and it's growing stronger and stronger everyday. Except, I know I'm not his type and he's not my type so I will just wait in my cave until the right evolution comes along.  


I have a Chemistry test tomorrow and I promise that I will bath after I post this entry and go straight to studying. My English sounded weird there. Today was a pretty average day. I was so tired and hungry but thank god I didn't sleep during any lessons. 

Now comes the ranting part. I seriously cannot take the Maths teacher. She sounds like a gigantic ant that can't find her sugar during class and kept smiling because she went high on caffeine thinking that the coffee she drank would have sugar. 


Well, no more ranting. I will see the light soon. I just need to remain focused and do better for my Promos. Insya'allah. 


On a lighter note, people were relatively happy today although I think I fake it most of the times. Hopefully if I fake it long enough, it will end up to be something real. 


Au Revoir for now!

I'll come back tomorrow

50 page reviews yesterday?!

Today was pretty all right. I'm getting tired of them calling me smart. That's the only downside to every school day. My friends just see so much in me when actually, I'm nothing but a dumb touche.

After breakfast before the fasting began, I didn't sleep and ended up laughing too loudly with my sister. In the end both of us left the house very late which is a shame because we've been awake since 4.45 am. I was on time, on the dot as per usual, but she was late. Epic thing was  that she had to send a message to our parents regarding their late coming. "Dear Mom, this is the 1st time I'm late and it is only the 20th day of the term..." I don't know how much more embarrassed I would be if I was the discipline master.

After school, I was supposed to study with a few classmates, namely, Destin and Jun Liang. All right so it's only two. Turns out Destin went to study with his J2 friends and Jun Liang left. I wanted to go home but thank god I remembered I was supposed to meet Afiq in the study room. So I texted Ming En on the way there and ended up studying with Hadi, Syahmi, Afiq, Ming En and with the presence of Khalis and Adam. At around 6.45pm, after Hilman and Matin(?) came then we all left. I was pretty early for breakfast.

Right now, I am blogging. I will do the E-learning part of Oscillations, study a little bit of Geography and then do Chemical Equilibrium. I can't wait for Wednesday. Short day plus band, nothing beats that but Friday because it's an even shorter day.

I want to eat an apple now.

Pulmonary Aches

I've never felt like I could just miss a step and fall out of line into a pit so deep and dark that it sucks out all the life in me. 

Mid Year examinations have ended and results were announced. I guess I could say I did pretty well with an A in Math, B in Physics and GP, C in Chemistry and yes, finally, a U in Geography. I can only make one conclusion, when I study harder, I will do better. Based on my results, I guess you can tell which I studied for the most and which I didn't study for at all. Last liner for studies, PW sucks banana balls. So that's all about school and studies. 6 months has passed and I've honestly made awesome friends. 

In other news, I am growing - fatter. I'm not even kidding. I can feel the fats growing inside of me, rippling at any point of contact. It disgusts me.

So, while I'm typing this, my cat just walked behind my brother's laptop, got itself comfortable and slept. I can't even. That is too cute.

Sadly, I have to get back to E-learning because I've decided to transfer the files into my thumbdrive to access them in my brother's computer considering my brother's computer can't access any MOE website. Au revoir for now!

Even when all her thoughts have passed

I guess I've not defined my values clearly enough. I am starting to despise who I am right now.

Time to work things out and go back to being me.

Me.

Just me.

Asian eyes me.

Making sure everything is right me.

Not anyone else. 

Just me.

All me.

Me.

Insecurities? No, it's just a screwed up situation right now.

I hate how everyone shuns people off just because they are not pretty, good looking, has nice eyes, legs, hair, body. The society in school is basically a caste system based on how good you look. Get over it. Why are they so desperate to be in tune with who's the best looking. Why do you have to force yourself to like someone you know you don't really like. If you say you go for personality, then why are you placing your feelings on how they look and only then, confirming it with their personality? Shouldn't it be the other way around? How much more shallow can you people get? I know I shouldn't be complaining because well, guys will be guys and bimbos will be bimbos. Find real friends people. It doesn't matter how they look. Heck it, that's what happens when I keep judging people. How I wish I could go back to the time when looks don't matter and it was the truth. That phrase is just a blatant lie now. It's just used to make people seem innocent when their actions spoke louder than their words.

I miss how peaceful Cedar was...
OKAY FUCK ADILAH
Just move on okay. You've met so many great friends. Just let it go. You were bound to be faced with shit sooner or later because not everyone are Cedarians and not everyone understands.

Dust had settled over everything

Haha I used to top the class for Chemistry. I second-ed the cohort for an A Math paper before (suck it Vietnamese geniuses). Several times I've thought I was smart. That is, until proof in black and white said otherwise.
WELL FUCK THAT
I guess Raffles never was meant to be. I tried to DSA and even my results don't want me there. So, it is a sign that things will get better.
And someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll look back and say,"What O levels?"

So recovery wasn't as easy as it took for the sun to shine but I got through it. I'm excited for school, wherever I go to. I'm just so damn it excited about it. Everything will be so different. The cheering of a school that would sound equivalent to a small group of Cedarians cheering. NDP will see no jumping and running and screaming and singing like we actually love Singapore. And best of all, Valentine's Day will no longer get me diabetic. Fuck I will miss Cedar. I will miss the whole spirit that died in my batch or hopefully, still lingers in the next. I miss the constant reminders of tests/examination dates. I complain so much about everything in Cedar that I actually love every bit that I've ranted about. I will definitely miss those lame nerd jokes from teachers and attempts to wake the class and stupid stupid scandals and even Mr Eng's awesome screaming ability that can be heard throughout the classroom block. I will miss screaming for Hannah across the rectangle and I will certainly miss running from the rain and getting all soaking wet then laughing about it. I will miss sleeping in lectures and doing Mr Ang's Math papers like I'm a fucking genius and get everything right. I loved it when Ms Thang spewed vulgarities and actually tried to hide them. She made Physics awesome. Mrs Lim should be proud of us because we were only 0.5 away from ONE POINT ZERO. I will miss her stupid dancing to music we all actually hate. She made everything have a lesson. God knows why. She made me realise that no one is going to fucking care about whether you intend to change or not. No one will care if you don't make it. She showed me that. She also showed me that band was the best thing that had ever happened to me in Cedar. And then there is Mrs Hon. I still fucking hate her but what the heck, she made me bond very well with the class because of that, so fuck it, thanks. The Cedar Umbridge. You were sent from the MOE, tried manipulating us with stupid shits and most of the time, wore pink. You crazy bitch. Then there are my friends. I miss every one of those fuckers. I am going to miss everything about Cedar. Every fucking thing.

Have a spin of my propeller

wasting time isnt time wasted when i have fun

So here it is, it has been a really long time since i bothered to write on this blog. Basically things have had it's ups and downs and here is the summary of it all.

1. O Levels is over and has been that way for over a month.
2. I have been having nightmares regarding my results.
3. I am working at ion orchard and it had made me miss a few things that are rather important in my life.
4. Aliza has officially left the country.
5. I couldn't send her off because of work.
6. I miss her.

Okay i officially failed with trying to find fifteen points that are of relevance and interest in my life.

Estimation Disappointment

Alright so here it is, other than Higher Malay.

English
I screwed up the comprehension. I seriously hope that my Oral, Summary and Compositions will pull me up.

Maths/Amaths
Pretty okay. Unless bell curve becomes 100%

Chem
Not so screwed

Phy
Lost 15 marks :|

Bio
Better than expected but still depending on Paper 1 to get my A1.

SSGE
The best humanities paper I've sat for in 4 years.

Embarrassing Embarrassing

I just realised I have other blogs under other emails. I can't access those blogs because I don't know the password to my email! Those blogs are embarrassing. Immature 11-12 year old Adilah. Facepalm.
I need a hacker. Stupid internet. Stupid dumb 11 year old Adilah.

1. Prelim 2 ended. Temporary freedom
2. O levels in in 50+ more days :o scared shitless
3. Hari Raya is in a few more days

I just read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol and it piqued my interesting in Noetic Science

Part 2

I ignored her. I basically shunned her from my life. It was one of the greatest things I ever did in my life.

So life continued after that and I didn't care about her anymore. However, sometimes, I glance at her just to know how she's doing. I mean, we've been friends for so long. Weirdly, I feel happy and contented when I see her happy and contented. It was like a mutual feeling. You've left me, I've left you. We're both happy and yet, we both still remember out past.

Part 1

I had a friend. She was a really good friend. She listened to everything I had to say. She listened intently to all my problems. She gave me pertinent advice to overcome some of the many obstacles I faced. All in all, she was there for me when I needed her.

Unfortunately, nothing is ever perfect. I was rather delusional and the whole description regarding her loyalty may be an exaggeration. I always dreamt of us as best friends. She was always the one that I wanted to be with all the time whether it was to eat lunch, sing a few tunes or even have that moment of serenity and silence where nothing else mattered. She was that one entity that could make me or break me. True enough, she broke me. She broke me into many pieces like glass shattering at high frequencies.

The light always shined on her. I represented nothing more than a mere shadow. She took the stage all the time, the limelight reflecting the blue pigments in her iris. Her golden hair always swayed with the wind and to top it all off, her personality was to die for. Everyone wanted to be her. Every living soul wanted parts of her to conjoin with their bodies. Everyone except me. All I wanted was to be a part of her life. Her perfect little barbie doll life. 

Until one day, I got tired of everything. 

(all characters in this little story were made up. but the story itself, is pretty true)

IT'S PRELIMS AND I'M NOT PREPARED AND I'M STILL ONLINE LIKE A FREAKING BOSS THAT'S AFRAID TO FAIL
what the hell am i doing with my life

Hope you enjoy it this time

Many things have been happening now. I am experiencing the plunge. I am losing focus in Math lessons because I do not understand it anymore. I have not been doing my homework regularly. I have been listless in class. So... what if I screw life up. I have no talent to help me become a musician, artist et cetera.
I don't feel anything anymore... Mrs Foo caught me using my handphone. I was just checking the time anyway. But it was so blatant and it looked like I was smsing so she just assumed. When she came up with her long speech of disappointment and how I'm making wrong decisions, I did not feel a thing. I did not  feel annoyed, guilty, pissed or whatever. It was so weird. I just wanted her to get the fuck away so that I could do my work. I did not feel any thing...
Teachers don't really care about me.. I don't know why but I can sleep under their noses and they just ignore me ignoring them..

Made...In...China!!!!!!

Go and die.
There's school tomorrow! Time for hell oh yeah. Haven't done my homework. Now question: what the hell have I been doing for the past 3 weeks. Ans: NOTHING. A1 for the intelligent life form. So it's almost one a.m and I am first going to research what a.m. means. So it means Ante Meridian. Okay, learnt something new today. I must honestly say that I tried studying but I didn't like it so it didn't last long. I will try my very best to finish up all my homework. I am going to help my aunt mark her papers after school tomorrow. I say school despite it actually being called extra class because it starts almost the same time and ends almost the same time as school! Extra class my butthole! I be @Cedar Girls' Secondary School tomorrow @8.00 scratching my asshole getting comfortable in the seat in Opal and learning Maths until 12.30 post meridian... See what I did there?  Crap, exceeded by 2 minutes. Time to click 'Publish Post'. 

Bonne soirée. Je suis désolé, je veux dire bonjour

So basically, a lot of things have been going on, right and wrong, and a lot of things I have to do. It is the June holidays. I wasted a week already. I got back my results, 4As3Bs1C, kill me now. I deproved in 5 subjects. I sent in my application for dsa to rj. I didn't practice my horn today. I suck at the horn. I sound like crap. I'm studying tomorrow. I have school in the last week. I need to buck up my Eng. I haven't cleaned up my room yet. My brother brought back a kitten :D its bloody 1.24!? I lack sleep. I'm growing fat. Like a fat pig. I need to lose weight. I am working towards 8A1s. Okay, fat hope, but I am trying. I will do my very best.
xoxo

Pomplamoooseeee