Insecurities? No, it's just a screwed up situation right now.

I hate how everyone shuns people off just because they are not pretty, good looking, has nice eyes, legs, hair, body. The society in school is basically a caste system based on how good you look. Get over it. Why are they so desperate to be in tune with who's the best looking. Why do you have to force yourself to like someone you know you don't really like. If you say you go for personality, then why are you placing your feelings on how they look and only then, confirming it with their personality? Shouldn't it be the other way around? How much more shallow can you people get? I know I shouldn't be complaining because well, guys will be guys and bimbos will be bimbos. Find real friends people. It doesn't matter how they look. Heck it, that's what happens when I keep judging people. How I wish I could go back to the time when looks don't matter and it was the truth. That phrase is just a blatant lie now. It's just used to make people seem innocent when their actions spoke louder than their words.

I miss how peaceful Cedar was...
OKAY FUCK ADILAH
Just move on okay. You've met so many great friends. Just let it go. You were bound to be faced with shit sooner or later because not everyone are Cedarians and not everyone understands.

Dust had settled over everything

Haha I used to top the class for Chemistry. I second-ed the cohort for an A Math paper before (suck it Vietnamese geniuses). Several times I've thought I was smart. That is, until proof in black and white said otherwise.
WELL FUCK THAT
I guess Raffles never was meant to be. I tried to DSA and even my results don't want me there. So, it is a sign that things will get better.
And someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll look back and say,"What O levels?"

So recovery wasn't as easy as it took for the sun to shine but I got through it. I'm excited for school, wherever I go to. I'm just so damn it excited about it. Everything will be so different. The cheering of a school that would sound equivalent to a small group of Cedarians cheering. NDP will see no jumping and running and screaming and singing like we actually love Singapore. And best of all, Valentine's Day will no longer get me diabetic. Fuck I will miss Cedar. I will miss the whole spirit that died in my batch or hopefully, still lingers in the next. I miss the constant reminders of tests/examination dates. I complain so much about everything in Cedar that I actually love every bit that I've ranted about. I will definitely miss those lame nerd jokes from teachers and attempts to wake the class and stupid stupid scandals and even Mr Eng's awesome screaming ability that can be heard throughout the classroom block. I will miss screaming for Hannah across the rectangle and I will certainly miss running from the rain and getting all soaking wet then laughing about it. I will miss sleeping in lectures and doing Mr Ang's Math papers like I'm a fucking genius and get everything right. I loved it when Ms Thang spewed vulgarities and actually tried to hide them. She made Physics awesome. Mrs Lim should be proud of us because we were only 0.5 away from ONE POINT ZERO. I will miss her stupid dancing to music we all actually hate. She made everything have a lesson. God knows why. She made me realise that no one is going to fucking care about whether you intend to change or not. No one will care if you don't make it. She showed me that. She also showed me that band was the best thing that had ever happened to me in Cedar. And then there is Mrs Hon. I still fucking hate her but what the heck, she made me bond very well with the class because of that, so fuck it, thanks. The Cedar Umbridge. You were sent from the MOE, tried manipulating us with stupid shits and most of the time, wore pink. You crazy bitch. Then there are my friends. I miss every one of those fuckers. I am going to miss everything about Cedar. Every fucking thing.

Have a spin of my propeller

wasting time isnt time wasted when i have fun

So here it is, it has been a really long time since i bothered to write on this blog. Basically things have had it's ups and downs and here is the summary of it all.

1. O Levels is over and has been that way for over a month.
2. I have been having nightmares regarding my results.
3. I am working at ion orchard and it had made me miss a few things that are rather important in my life.
4. Aliza has officially left the country.
5. I couldn't send her off because of work.
6. I miss her.

Okay i officially failed with trying to find fifteen points that are of relevance and interest in my life.

Estimation Disappointment

Alright so here it is, other than Higher Malay.

English
I screwed up the comprehension. I seriously hope that my Oral, Summary and Compositions will pull me up.

Maths/Amaths
Pretty okay. Unless bell curve becomes 100%

Chem
Not so screwed

Phy
Lost 15 marks :|

Bio
Better than expected but still depending on Paper 1 to get my A1.

SSGE
The best humanities paper I've sat for in 4 years.

Embarrassing Embarrassing

I just realised I have other blogs under other emails. I can't access those blogs because I don't know the password to my email! Those blogs are embarrassing. Immature 11-12 year old Adilah. Facepalm.
I need a hacker. Stupid internet. Stupid dumb 11 year old Adilah.

1. Prelim 2 ended. Temporary freedom
2. O levels in in 50+ more days :o scared shitless
3. Hari Raya is in a few more days

I just read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol and it piqued my interesting in Noetic Science

Part 2

I ignored her. I basically shunned her from my life. It was one of the greatest things I ever did in my life.

So life continued after that and I didn't care about her anymore. However, sometimes, I glance at her just to know how she's doing. I mean, we've been friends for so long. Weirdly, I feel happy and contented when I see her happy and contented. It was like a mutual feeling. You've left me, I've left you. We're both happy and yet, we both still remember out past.

Part 1

I had a friend. She was a really good friend. She listened to everything I had to say. She listened intently to all my problems. She gave me pertinent advice to overcome some of the many obstacles I faced. All in all, she was there for me when I needed her.

Unfortunately, nothing is ever perfect. I was rather delusional and the whole description regarding her loyalty may be an exaggeration. I always dreamt of us as best friends. She was always the one that I wanted to be with all the time whether it was to eat lunch, sing a few tunes or even have that moment of serenity and silence where nothing else mattered. She was that one entity that could make me or break me. True enough, she broke me. She broke me into many pieces like glass shattering at high frequencies.

The light always shined on her. I represented nothing more than a mere shadow. She took the stage all the time, the limelight reflecting the blue pigments in her iris. Her golden hair always swayed with the wind and to top it all off, her personality was to die for. Everyone wanted to be her. Every living soul wanted parts of her to conjoin with their bodies. Everyone except me. All I wanted was to be a part of her life. Her perfect little barbie doll life. 

Until one day, I got tired of everything. 

(all characters in this little story were made up. but the story itself, is pretty true)

IT'S PRELIMS AND I'M NOT PREPARED AND I'M STILL ONLINE LIKE A FREAKING BOSS THAT'S AFRAID TO FAIL
what the hell am i doing with my life